Researchers now say that married couples who live together before marriage are 50 percent more likely to get divorced. They tend to have a
“renter’s agreement” philosophy that makes them less committed to sticking together through hard times.
Consider this scenario: You start to live together, and both of you have careers. You marry and each continue to work for a few years. During this time, making money and spending it may not be a problem. You create a joint account, as well as each keeping separate money. Then one of you is offered a promotion that will require a transfer to a new city, forcing the other person to start looking for a new job and work their way back up the career ladder at a new company. Resentment starts to build if their new position is not as satisfying.
Then you decide to start a family. You both agree she should stay home with the child for at least 2 years, meaning less money is coming into the household. The person working outside the home is probably working longer hours and may not be number one in the household any longer. There is less intimate time together. She is tired, he is tired, and the child does what children do, demanding time and energy from the parents.
Your financial challenges often times come to a head if the disparity of earnings gets greater over time or one person drops out of the work force for more than 2 years. Differences on how you want to spend the money may have become more polarized. If one spouse spends significantly more than the other for personal items, this disproportionate spending can have profound effects on an individual’s sense of value in the relationship. A wife who sees her husband cater preferentially to his own desires is likely to become concerned about her future financial security. If he or she is not getting the emotional support they need in the marriage, it is easy to find a replacement. Affairs at work are on the rise and Internet romances are becoming more common.
I am not discouraging marriage, but suggesting that making the decision to marry and stick it out demands honesty, time, intimacy, and laughter. Try and maintain these to avoid an eviction notice.