Do you share an e-mail address with your spouse? Is your husband secretive about all the time he is spending on the computer? You might be experiencing Internet infidelity.
With over 25 years in the divorce business, I am still surprised at how many “new” romances are being kindled on the Internet. Chat rooms, Myspace.com, eHarmony.com and Match.com are all going strong as well as many other sites. You would think this is a product of the"younger" generation, but I am seeing more and more older clients coming to me where their spouse has met someone on the Internet. Lengthly exchanges between the spouse and their new found love often go unnoticed for months, with the other spouse typically the last to know.
In my opinion, spouses dating on the Internet means they want to get caught. Using the cell phone or credit card to pay for dinners, hotels, and travel can also be easily traced. It is nearly impossible to take back something in writing, whether in print or on the Internet. It is difficult to talk your way out of the reality of your words and actions.
So how do you protect yourself? If you suspect something, go on these sites yourself and see what you find. Have a computer expert take a look at your “home” computer to see what is transpiring. If you see suspicious behavior, dig deeper and protect yourself. Be smart - get your facts and monitor the activity.
Recently I had a man in my office that told me about his wife’s infidelity. He suspected something was going on so he hired a service to monitor her cell phone and e-mails. He confronted her and they went to counseling. She promised to give up the other man and asked for forgiveness. Two months later he caught her doing the same thing and they are now divorced. He might have forgiven her once, but those hurtful words couldn’t be taken back - they were forever in his mind.
Young people today want their own e-mail addresses, cell phones, bank accounts, and credit cards. I find they continue to keep some of these separate when they get married. Rushing to combine all credit cards and bank statements for the family finances is less common. A joint bank account and credit card is common, but then augmented with separate accounts.
Ellen Gamerman’s recent article, ”‘Til Tech Do Us Part,” in the Wall Street Journal offers readers some excellent tips for digital cohabitation.